30 Days of Fearlessness #2: Submission Manoeuver.

Today, I submitted a short story to a literary review for publication. It’s an old microfiction piece that I wrote about 3 years ago, different from a lot of other stuff I’ve written, though I’ve always been proud of it.

Still, I’m apprehensive about sending my stuff anywhere, due to all the waiting and the drawn-out specifics of the submissions process. Twelve-point font; Times New Roman; last name and category in the subject line; no response for upwards of 6 weeks… Patience is a virtue, though I am far from virtuous.

Perhaps waiting is the worst part of all, because that’s when courage gives way to fear and self-doubt creeps in, the way every bad decision I’ve ever made does while I lie awake staring at the ceiling through burning eyes, even though it’s 4 a.m. and all  I want to do is sleep. If I fail, then this experience will surely confirm what I’ve always believed- that I’m not good enough, and that I should never submit anything again because there will always someone better, more experienced…

But what if I don’t fail? What if someone reads the story I wrote and loves the hell out of it as I do? What if my self-proclaimed labour of love goes on to be received as such?

And that, friends, is what this exercise is all about.

Courage is a muscle, no different than the ones in your body. And, as with its corporeal counterparts, if you don’t use it regularly, it will surely wither and die. But let it never be said that I died on my knees.

I’m immortal, and I’m just getting started.